The Angry Guy's Boating Rules (COMEDY FORUM)

[Julian]

I copied this from FB...this is posted in our COMEDY section here! So many things wrong with the following....a few decent points (like no spray sunscreen). For me, I generally have one rule....come out and enjoy! The funniest/saddest/most pathetic is the post admits he's driving drunk.... grrrr (or he's spending so much time on the water that he can get blind drunk and then sober up.....yeah...right)

Still good for a laugh! (and likely some spirited discussion about asking people to pay, red wine, glass etc - he didn't mention cheetos! LOL)

Since we're coming into boating season.
Rules for Boating 2022 and feel free to copy and add more!
1. Show up on time, we won't be waiting for your stoner ass to arrive while we bake in the sun on hot asphalt while our ice melts. (And show up with ice) Boat leaves at stated time...PERIOD!
2. Bring your own beer or booze. Seriously? The fact I have to even mention it is pathetic...and bring enough for other people too. Don't be that asshole asking to "bum" a beer or get a drink off people. I don't care if you're a hot chick or only gonna have 1. Everyone contributes. And while we're at it bring some food or snacks! Don't just expect to be wined and dined. And if your offered food ,eat it! the captain isn't being polite...He's trying to keep you coherent and not passing out wasted on his boat! No drinking on a empty stomach!
3. Don't bring red wine. We already know about your sophisticated pallet. We aren't on a Yacht, and you're a fucking drunk with bad balance, so leave the glass at home while you're at it too! And if you show up with white claws, there better be some chics in your group or you will be hazed!!!
4. Kick the boat owner down for gas. And not $20. Remember that big ass lifted truck with the huge wheels and tires and the loud exhaust that you showed up in...yea,well a boat is way bigger... That shit doesn't run on hopes and dreams either. so $40 per person is customary. A day of boating can easily go over $300 in fuel. Not to mention one of you drunk assholes breaks something every time we are out, so consider that a deal.
5. Don't bring any random people without prior consent of the boat owner! Nobody wants to be held hostage for 6 hours in a confined space with someone who is Crying, Mad, An Asshole, hitting on your chicks, Ugly or any combination thereof. And don't ask if you can bring a dude, I'm sure he's amazing an all. He can meet up with us later..... Or not.
To bring a chick, send a photo (recent) to the boat owner beforehand for prior authorization.
6. That chick in your group? The one doing shots at 11 am and vomiting by 2? She can stay home too. You know who your train-wrecks are and you'll be held responsible if you bring one. I don't care if she's hot.
7. We don't go back early to drop off or pick up. As fun as it is to run the gauntlet of Sheriff Boats back to the dock as they watch you try to dock a boat wasted, in the wind, while you're seeing double isn't fun, not safe. Don't ask.
8. Don't smoke on the boat, not even on the edge.And don't just assume everyone smokes weed...A boat is a floating gas can! You're a drunk idiot, so I'll tell you twice before you burn something. And chew at your own risk, because if I ever take a swig of Coors light and get a mouthful of your spit, I will not warn you before I knock you the fuck out....No exceptions.
9.The music is being played by the captains choice. Don't touch the source without explicit permission from the skipper. And if by chance you are offered a turn at playing DJ that shit is temporary at best! Your music will be terminated at any time, especially if you play shit!
Have a wonderful day and don't forget sun screen. PS don't spray that shit on my boat

 

[FSH 210 Sport]

Yes….. cheetle on the fingers is no good!

I don’t have any of the alcohol issues since I don’t allow alcohol on my boat, which eliminates anger and other issues associated with it. The only puking would be from motion sickness!

The spray sunscreen bit is pretty funny! Get at the furthest point down wind before spraying!

And the chew can! That happened to me at a party once freaking gross!

 

[itsdgm]

Pretty funny. All true……but still funny.

 

[scokill]

I copied this from FB...this is posted in our COMEDY section here! So many things wrong with the following....a few decent points (like no spray sunscreen). For me, I generally have one rule....come out and enjoy! The funniest/saddest/most pathetic is the post admits he's driving drunk.... grrrr (or he's spending so much time on the water that he can get blind drunk and then sober up.....yeah...right)

Still good for a laugh! (and likely some spirited discussion about asking people to pay, red wine, glass etc - he didn't mention cheetos! LOL)

Since we're coming into boating season.
Rules for Boating 2022 and feel free to copy and add more!
1. Show up on time, we won't be waiting for your stoner ass to arrive while we bake in the sun on hot asphalt while our ice melts. (And show up with ice) Boat leaves at stated time...PERIOD!
2. Bring your own beer or booze. Seriously? The fact I have to even mention it is pathetic...and bring enough for other people too. Don't be that asshole asking to "bum" a beer or get a drink off people. I don't care if you're a hot chick or only gonna have 1. Everyone contributes. And while we're at it bring some food or snacks! Don't just expect to be wined and dined. And if your offered food ,eat it! the captain isn't being polite...He's trying to keep you coherent and not passing out wasted on his boat! No drinking on a empty stomach!
3. Don't bring red wine. We already know about your sophisticated pallet. We aren't on a Yacht, and you're a fucking drunk with bad balance, so leave the glass at home while you're at it too! And if you show up with white claws, there better be some chics in your group or you will be hazed!!!
4. Kick the boat owner down for gas. And not $20. Remember that big ass lifted truck with the huge wheels and tires and the loud exhaust that you showed up in...yea,well a boat is way bigger... That shit doesn't run on hopes and dreams either. so $40 per person is customary. A day of boating can easily go over $300 in fuel. Not to mention one of you drunk assholes breaks something every time we are out, so consider that a deal.
5. Don't bring any random people without prior consent of the boat owner! Nobody wants to be held hostage for 6 hours in a confined space with someone who is Crying, Mad, An Asshole, hitting on your chicks, Ugly or any combination thereof. And don't ask if you can bring a dude, I'm sure he's amazing an all. He can meet up with us later..... Or not.
To bring a chick, send a photo (recent) to the boat owner beforehand for prior authorization.
6. That chick in your group? The one doing shots at 11 am and vomiting by 2? She can stay home too. You know who your train-wrecks are and you'll be held responsible if you bring one. I don't care if she's hot.
7. We don't go back early to drop off or pick up. As fun as it is to run the gauntlet of Sheriff Boats back to the dock as they watch you try to dock a boat wasted, in the wind, while you're seeing double isn't fun, not safe. Don't ask.
8. Don't smoke on the boat, not even on the edge.And don't just assume everyone smokes weed...A boat is a floating gas can! You're a drunk idiot, so I'll tell you twice before you burn something. And chew at your own risk, because if I ever take a swig of Coors light and get a mouthful of your spit, I will not warn you before I knock you the fuck out....No exceptions.
9.The music is being played by the captains choice. Don't touch the source without explicit permission from the skipper. And if by chance you are offered a turn at playing DJ that shit is temporary at best! Your music will be terminated at any time, especially if you play shit!
Have a wonderful day and don't forget sun screen. PS don't spray that shit on my boat

It is pretty funny, but certainly there are those that live and die by these rules and take them very seriously.

 

[pmorita]

And if I ask for help, do what I ask. Not what your uncle used to do on his boat when you were a kid.

 

[RNYCLV]

I copied this from FB...this is posted in our COMEDY section here! So many things wrong with the following....a few decent points (like no spray sunscreen). For me, I generally have one rule....come out and enjoy! The funniest/saddest/most pathetic is the post admits he's driving drunk.... grrrr (or he's spending so much time on the water that he can get blind drunk and then sober up.....yeah...right)

Still good for a laugh! (and likely some spirited discussion about asking people to pay, red wine, glass etc - he didn't mention cheetos! LOL)

Since we're coming into boating season.
Rules for Boating 2022 and feel free to copy and add more!
1. Show up on time, we won't be waiting for your stoner ass to arrive while we bake in the sun on hot asphalt while our ice melts. (And show up with ice) Boat leaves at stated time...PERIOD!
2. Bring your own beer or booze. Seriously? The fact I have to even mention it is pathetic...and bring enough for other people too. Don't be that asshole asking to "bum" a beer or get a drink off people. I don't care if you're a hot chick or only gonna have 1. Everyone contributes. And while we're at it bring some food or snacks! Don't just expect to be wined and dined. And if your offered food ,eat it! the captain isn't being polite...He's trying to keep you coherent and not passing out wasted on his boat! No drinking on a empty stomach!
3. Don't bring red wine. We already know about your sophisticated pallet. We aren't on a Yacht, and you're a fucking drunk with bad balance, so leave the glass at home while you're at it too! And if you show up with white claws, there better be some chics in your group or you will be hazed!!!
4. Kick the boat owner down for gas. And not $20. Remember that big ass lifted truck with the huge wheels and tires and the loud exhaust that you showed up in...yea,well a boat is way bigger... That shit doesn't run on hopes and dreams either. so $40 per person is customary. A day of boating can easily go over $300 in fuel. Not to mention one of you drunk assholes breaks something every time we are out, so consider that a deal.
5. Don't bring any random people without prior consent of the boat owner! Nobody wants to be held hostage for 6 hours in a confined space with someone who is Crying, Mad, An Asshole, hitting on your chicks, Ugly or any combination thereof. And don't ask if you can bring a dude, I'm sure he's amazing an all. He can meet up with us later..... Or not.
To bring a chick, send a photo (recent) to the boat owner beforehand for prior authorization.
6. That chick in your group? The one doing shots at 11 am and vomiting by 2? She can stay home too. You know who your train-wrecks are and you'll be held responsible if you bring one. I don't care if she's hot.
7. We don't go back early to drop off or pick up. As fun as it is to run the gauntlet of Sheriff Boats back to the dock as they watch you try to dock a boat wasted, in the wind, while you're seeing double isn't fun, not safe. Don't ask.
8. Don't smoke on the boat, not even on the edge.And don't just assume everyone smokes weed...A boat is a floating gas can! You're a drunk idiot, so I'll tell you twice before you burn something. And chew at your own risk, because if I ever take a swig of Coors light and get a mouthful of your spit, I will not warn you before I knock you the fuck out....No exceptions.
9.The music is being played by the captains choice. Don't touch the source without explicit permission from the skipper. And if by chance you are offered a turn at playing DJ that shit is temporary at best! Your music will be terminated at any time, especially if you play shit!
Have a wonderful day and don't forget sun screen. PS don't spray that shit on my boat

Freaking Love it!!!!
SUNSCREEN on everything......
If you pilot, no booze though. well for us

 

[kgower]

It is pretty funny, but certainly there are those that live and die by these rules and take them very seriously.

While I don't live or die by these "Boating Rules" many are legit.

 

[Julian]

While I don't live or die by these "Boating Rules" many are legit.

I would say some are legit for some people. My perspective:

1. On time - as long as you are texting and communicating, I can handle you being late. Happens often, you will drop down the invite list.
2. BYOB - I tell my guess to bring what they want. I typically also bring more in case they run out. No biggie.
3. Wine - I don't care - just no stemware!
4. Gas money - pitch in if you want - I will never ask, and will typically say no thanks.
5. Random people - agree - ask in advance if you can bring a guest - I've never said no.
6. drunk chicks - never had this problem - apparently my guests aren't heavy drinkers! LOL
7. early drop off - plans can change, and typically we don't go far from the marina - so no biggie. If we are going on a long cruise, I warn the guests....last chance
8. smoking - yes...no smoking on my boat. Plenty of vape options to get your fix in.
9. music - I solicit input and take requests. If I have someone who wants to run their phone...have at it. Its not a biggie.

So bottom line....only one of these are a problem/deal breaker for - "No Smoking", the rest aren't "Rules" I would ever declare as rules. I do tell guests to BYOB, but all my friends do that already at parties as we all often have our niche drinks, but I always have my preferred drinks in quantity if they run out.