This reeks of rasicm too me, am I over reacting/over thinking this?

[Ronnie]

Not politics but not totally unrelated to boating either. My 17 year old Son started taking our waverunners out without my wife Or I this summer (I.e., he tows, launches, pilots and recovers them by himself or with his friends. Last Friday he took them out with a friend of his and went on a food on the water run that we have done many times before without issue.

This time around he told me at least four different boaters asked him questions while he was at the guest dock. If they were general questions like what model ski is that? or how fast does it go? I would not think twice about it but all of the questions were around the legitimacy of him being there at all. For instance, whose jet skis are those? Did you rent them? How did you get them to the water? How did you get here? How old are you?

My son responded respectfully with the truth. They are my families skis, we own them. I trailered them from home to brannan island and we drove them here for lunch. I’m 17 and have a drivers license and boating card.

At first I thought they guys asking questions were just looking out for a fellow boater who might be missing pwcs but realize that no one had ever asked me such questions and I have never asked such questions of any boaters on the past, 25 plus years now. To top it off all the boaters who asked question of my Son were Caucasian. It is very clear that my Son is not Caucasian and neither is his friend that was with him that day. See the attached pic.

So am I being overly sensitive about this? Maybe it’s a good thing I wasn’t there because I’m sure I would have had a few choice questions for all of these guys, like that whose boat are you driving? How old are you? Can you prove that? Would you ask similarly situated Caucasian kids the same questions? I did not anticipate this happening to my Son so I didn’t prepare him for it or even discuss it with him before it happened. This makes the U.S in 2020 seem like the U.S. in 1960 IMHO and it all happened within 30 miles of the California State Capitol (a relatively diverse state).


What’s really frustrating, is that I don’t know how to properly advise my Son on how to handle this the next time it happens?

 

[Julian]

Sucks to have this happen and I don't think you are over reacting.

 

[BigAbe75]

I’m frustrated your boys had this experience. Outdoorsy folks (boaters, campers, atv, Jeep guys, motorcycle guys etc) are all close knit communities and look out for their own, or at least pay attention to one another.

I would like to think that maybe those other boaters were in awe of 2 young boys managing a trip like that all on their own and had a few questions to help gauge their abilities. But, unfortunately, the questions asked and the tone that your message conveys doesn’t sound like this was the case. It’s also always possible that the protective dad misinterprets what is going on (but we’ve never known you to embellish stories), and again this doesn’t feel like the case here either.

I have worked the last 9 years in an urban location with demographics totally different from where I grew up. I have learned a lot. I think the most interesting thing I have learned is that “patience” is a perishable resource. Eventually, it runs out which leads to misunderstanding, overreaction and other bad stuff. One story that gives an example of this that resonates with me is the husband of my colleague, while married and successful (both school teachers) lived in a middle class subdivision and drove a nice sports car. The local police pulled him over often for “random” checks or whatever. He eventually got to the point where he went to the police station to introduce himself, saying this is who I am, this is where I live, and I belong here. They eventually left the community.

I hate that it may be necessary, but I pray that your boys continue to have the patience to deal with these issues respectfully. It does no good to yell and only escalates the situation while strengthening those negative beliefs.

I hope they didn’t let those comments and interactions ruin what should have been a great day on the water.

 

[Wayloncle]

Not politics but not totally unrelated to boating either. My 17 year old Son started taking our waverunners out without my wife Or I this summer (I.e., he tows, launches, pilots and recovers them by himself or with his friends. Last Friday he took them out with a friend of his and went on a food on the water run that we have done many times before without issue.

This time around he told me at least four different boaters asked him questions while he was at the guest dock. If they were general questions like what model ski is that? or how fast does it go? I would not think twice about it but all of the questions were around the legitimacy of him being there at all. For instance, whose jet skis are those? Did you rent them? How did you get them to the water? How did you get here? How old are you?

My son responded respectfully with the truth. They are my families skis, we own them. I trailered them from home to brannan island and we drove them here for lunch. I’m 17 and have a drivers license and boating card.

At first I thought they guys asking questions were just looking out for a fellow boater who might be missing pwcs but realize that no one had ever asked me such questions and I have never asked such questions of any boaters on the past, 25 plus years now. To top it off all the boaters who asked question of my Son were Caucasian. It is very clear that my Son is not Caucasian and neither is his friend that was with him that day. See the attached pic.

So am I being overly sensitive about this? Maybe it’s a good thing I wasn’t there because I’m sure I would have had a few choice questions for all of these guys, like that whose boat are you driving? How old are you? Can you prove that? Would you ask similarly situated Caucasian kids the same questions? I did not anticipate this happening to my Son so I didn’t prepare him for it or even discuss it with him before it happened. This makes the U.S in 2020 seem like the U.S. in 1960 IMHO and it all happened within 30 miles of the California State Capitol (a relatively diverse state).
View attachment 134075

What’s really frustrating, is that I don’t know how to properly advise my Son on how to handle this the next time it happens?

I feel your son replied in the correct manner, you have obviously raised him right to be respectful and honest, if he wasn’t you wouldn’t let him or he wouldn’t be able to do this by himself!
it’s hard to tell what the intentions were for the questions, I bet a lot of it is because he looks young and being out on his own, but I could be completely naive about it. Only the questioner knows for certain what he was thinking.

 

[PeterB]

Hopefully it was a reaction to their age or maybe they just didn’t seem familiar with launching etc given their new at doing this on their own- but regrettably it may be a combination of biases. Good for your son on staying calm and I think it’s great he has an interest in towing launching and enjoying the ski’s on his own! I bought my first boat when I was 10 and started trailering at 17, but don’t recall ever being questioned when I was out on my own. I know it’s easier said than done but ignore the busybodies and just enjoy the boating!

 

[Scottintexas]

I would like to think his age probably had more to do with it than his race. If I saw two teenagers on jetski's pull up to the dock I might try to start a conversation with them and those might be some of the questions I might ask or maybe I would just notice them and not engage them in conversation.

I agree with that probably only the questioner knows, maybe he was more a jetski hater or jealous that a teenagers were getting to jetksi by themselves and he never did ?

Maybe he was a racist or maybe he was an equal opportunity ASSHOLE I come in contact with all the time? when my neighbor got into a fight at the boat ramp and put in the hospital (2 on1 and he was on the wrong side of the number). Race didn't matter, somebody was getting an ass kicking that night.

 

[Yambers]

Haters are gonna hate. Cant stop it. To be optimistic, maybe they were actually interested in what your son and his friend had, that they themselves might not be able to get. Or were just making conversation and involving the younger generation.

Thankfully you have obviously raised him to respond the correct way, and to let you know about it.

 

[Cobra Jet Steering LLC]

I think the age may be the big issue as expensive as skies are getting and he did fine and people just don't like p w c's I had an experience recently that just mad me wonder just how stupid people can be.
I had grand children and family visiting from MN, they also own a house in Gulfport FL.. I had them go out to the water off the Skyway causeway and I took them for rides as usual, the tide was pretty high so my grand daughter " the one who does the girl Scout cookie sales every year , was on the ski with me doing what we call the HIGH TIDE RIDE, I run the mangroves , I saw a boat fishing a 1/2 mile away so I stayed way off probably 300+ yards because they do not like skies, even though I only need to stay 150 ft away. I continued my ride after going back to the mangrove line way past the fisherman. no less than 100 yards but probably closer to 200 yards just for good measure. As I was driving back to the causeway I looked across the water and noticed the fishing boat was traveling at an angle that looked like he was heading for my ski but he was about 1 mile away so I did not think much about it.
I returned to my family and was sitting at my van when I noticed a flats boat in a big hurry driving right through people in the water swimming, Fl law says you must be 150 feet away if you are on plane and people are in the water, I then realized it was the same boat I saw previously so I got on the ski and turned on my camera.
he started telling me I broke the law because I was harassing a commercial fisherman and it was a felony , I asked what the hell he was talking about and he informed me that I was driving close to the mangroves and he was cast netting.
I reminded him I was more than twice the distance required and totally away from him regardless of who or what he is and he was totally incorrect, So if he felt it necessary just call F W C and please do not run on plane next to the kids swimming in the water.
I then told him to have a wonderful day and to go away N O W !
He left.
The odd thing is he vacated his fishing spot and drove over 2 miles to come and Harass me, sounded like an idiot and you just never know what you are dealing with out on the water.
Drugs, alcohol ,mental conditions who knows but I see an awful lot of STUPID out there. So your situation does not surprise me at all especially with a P W C involved in the situation .

 

[jdkaeser]

Sucks man! I totally agree that it is more than likely to do with the color of his skin, not his age. This type of thing is referred to as racial microaggressions. They are not always meant to be intentionally mean, it has more to do with how you are conditioned growing up and if you have been around people of color. Here is a great article a buddy of mine who adopted a mixed race child posted on his Facebook to help educate some of his less tolerant family.

Woman Lists The Microaggressions She And Black Husband Encounter Regularly

Tired of people on her Facebook timeline dismissing racism and the protests, Pamela Chandler decided to outline what she and her husband deal with.

www.huffpost.com

 

[Drag]

Sucks man! I totally agree that it is more than likely to do with the color of his skin, not his age. This type of thing is referred to as racial microaggressions. They are not always meant to be intentionally mean, it has more to do with how you are conditioned growing up and if you have been around people of color. Here is a great article a buddy of mine who adopted a mixed race child posted on his Facebook to help educate some of his less tolerant family.

Woman Lists The Microaggressions She And Black Husband Encounter Regularly

Tired of people on her Facebook timeline dismissing racism and the protests, Pamela Chandler decided to outline what she and her husband deal with.

www.huffpost.com

If you choose to see racism, you will always see it. It’s not healthy and that’s not how we are going to bring this country together.

CAN WE JUST TALK ABOUT BOATS!?

 

[Yambers]

If you choose to see racism, you will always see it. It’s not healthy and that’s not how we are going to bring this country together.

CAN WE JUST TALK ABOUT BOATS!?

Amen, brother!!

 

[Beachbummer]

This is not quite politics, so I feel it's not banned just yet...

Although I am white and 6'4" I'm a naturalized citizen and English is not my first language. With my size and skin color I am generally not the subject of racism, but there are some folks it just oozes from...I take as an opportunity to effect change, and I generally treat it as an opportunity to show an alternative to the negative stereotype. It can be painful and your values have to be well centered in the right place to be able to fully embrace this frame of thought, but it frees you from being offended, because you know (and you must in your heart) that it's not personal, because they don't know you, it can't possibly be about you. Some have acquired these views from negative personal experiences, and others from being "educated" in it. Some are lost causes and their negative charge will be lost by the world only when they die, others are more open minded and can be persuaded to change their view.

This is way too much to ask of a young man, but understanding where it comes from, even if it's wrong, can help frame your mind for the task ahead. To provide an example of being the opposite of their expectation as a racist. (In cases were that is established, some people are just equal opportunity @$$es, and you can't help them much), but you don't have to waste your good vibes or satisfy them by being mad at their existence. They exist, it sucks, move on to happier things. (This is for your own sake, nor for theirs)

There's a Spanish saying that states " Only those who can offend, offend.", meaning that someone who has no trust or value to you can't offend you, because their opinion is worthless to you, hence why would you accept offense?.

It's a tough world out there and you might have been right, and it's likely not the only time it might happen. With kindness and professionalism he can make the best of the situation. Sorry I don't have a better fix. It's not illegal to be an @$$ whether selective by race or equal opportunity so we must adapt as best we can to be the agents of change we wish to be.

Shared only as my own policy that increments my own happiness in these situations. No offense or judgement intended or implied.

 

[Julian]

Sucks man! I totally agree that it is more than likely to do with the color of his skin, not his age. This type of thing is referred to as racial microaggressions. They are not always meant to be intentionally mean, it has more to do with how you are conditioned growing up and if you have been around people of color. Here is a great article a buddy of mine who adopted a mixed race child posted on his Facebook to help educate some of his less tolerant family.

Woman Lists The Microaggressions She And Black Husband Encounter Regularly

Tired of people on her Facebook timeline dismissing racism and the protests, Pamela Chandler decided to outline what she and her husband deal with.

www.huffpost.com

Great article, thanks for sharing it.

 

[Ronnie]

Thanks for all of the feedback guys, it helped me reconcile my feelings on the subject. For additional context, I asked my son if he was screwing around in or near the no wake zone while the men that questioned him were present. He said no other than not quite slowing to no wake speed by the time he crossed the marker but my a Son and his friend were the first ones on the dock and didn’t see any of the people that questioned them on the water (a good 25 to 30 miles). Additionally, not to brag, but my son is no rookie when it comes to launching, piloting, docking and recovering pwcs. I have been training him to do so for over 10 years. His skills are apparent to anyone watching him do these things. The reason he got questioned by so many people is that he and his friend decided to eat on the dock next to the skis instead of on the pizza parlor’s patio. He would have eaten on the patio but it was full with other (walk in) patrons.

In the end, I told him he reacted appropriately. He didn’t escalate the situation nor did he say anything that was not true. Which is how i should react but the lawyer in me thinks otherwise. In this case he taught me something or at least gave me a reminder. He did say that he a was tempted to continue the conversation with a few questions of his own but decided against it since they were outnumbered 2 to 1 by adults. He and his friend (an African American. I’m trying to be politically correct but he refers to himself as black/Black, my Son sometimes uses a lyric from a song to describe himself as dark white) ended up having a great time the rest of the afternoon (Friday). It was hot but not unbearable, the water was like glass, so no wind, and few other people on the water for the 25 to 30 mile ride back to the ramp.

If it happens again, which I hope it doesn’t, I told him to do what he thinks is right at that time since the circumstances may be different and it worked out when he followed his gut the first time around. I have to say it felt like a weak advice that could be paraphrased as, “it is what it is, just keep taking the hits because you can’t do shit about it anyway”. I don’t see myself as being a good father on this topic.

@Drag, again I appreciate your feedback but sometimes you don’t get to choose whether you see racism because you cannot ignore it when it’s slapping you in the face with its dick. Simply pretending it doesn’t exist by talking about other aspects of boating is not going to bring this country together either. My main concern/question in starting this thread was, what do I tell my Son who is quickly becoming a man if this happens to him again whether he is on the water (boating) or not? I didn’t tell him to stop boating or to stop going to that location to eat on the water but I didn’t tell him to implement his black belt training either. I for the most part told him to maintain the status quo (no matter how F’d up it is) when he is on the water. He knows it applies off the water as well.

If the situation were reversed would it be appropriate for me to ask the next Caucasian kids I see driving a boat or pwcs the same questions that were asked of my son? How should I react if don’t find their answers acceptable? Of course I know the answers are No and Not Applicable, respectively, but if they are not discussed how does anyone else know the correct answers? They don’t (or at least four people didn’t) which is reason this happened at all.

 

[AZMark]

I don't know man. Maybe it's wishful thinking, but they do both look really young. Is it the kind of place where you would routinlely see young teenagers of any race by themselves on jetskis at whatever time of day this occurred at?

 

[Ronnie]

I agree they look young even for recent high school graduates but at the same time they are young compared to me at 51 years old. I am usually there on the weekends between 12 and 3 (my Son and his friend were there in the same time range but on a weekday not a weekend) and have seen numerous young adults (in retrospect all Caucasian) on pwcs dock there and pass through there sometimes with an adult other times without one. Walnut Grove is the place, it’s our half way point to old Sacramento. They have a fishing pier, a separate guest dock and pizza parlor and ice cream parlor across the street. Basically it is the most convenient place to dock and only place to eat near the water for 20 miles up or down river.

 

[Yambers]

sometimes you don’t get to choose whether you see racism because you cannot ignore it when it’s slapping you in the face with its dick.

Best quote in this whole thread. A serious thread, I admit, but this should make anyone laugh. The visual alone has me cracking up. Well played sir. Well played..

 

[PeterB]

This thread may risk the “no politics” rule but IMHO is a healthy start to creating a better world. Racism to me is like a cancer - it feeds on the healthy and destroys it. We will never know what motivated the “questioners”. And saying ignor it is easy to say, but we all know impossible to forget. I grew up in a melting pot where many races and religions converged - and somehow we all got along. Almost 40 years ago I naively encountered extreme racism - it caught me off guard and still haunts me today - and the hate was not aimed at me - the Caucasian but rather my Black colleague. He shrugged it off and I hope forgot about it. Today I still dwell on it. It sounds like you have raised your boy well and great that he can handle a PWC and trailer well - good for you to teach him that. Maybe boating is the common bond for at least some of us to bond with total disregard to race - though us water sports guys may never see eye to eye with the fisherman!!

 

[Drag]

@Ronnie . You don’t appreciate my feedback. You or I don’t know what was in the minds of those boaters. You don’t know what their intent was. You made your choice on how to interpret it.

Btw, I don’t need some smuck like you lecturing me on racism, when you have no clue who I am or my background. Take that and slap it in your face.

Can we get back to boating?

 

[AZMark]

@Ronnie . You don’t appreciate my feedback. You or I don’t know what was in the minds of those boaters. You don’t know what their intent was. You made your choice on how to interpret it.

Btw, I don’t need some smuck like you lecturing me on racism, when you have no clue who I am or my background. Take that and slap it in your face.

Can we get back to boating?

There are thousands and thousands of threads on this forum on boating and a few that aren't. No one made you read or reply to this one.