Miscellaneous Jokes....

[MikeyL]

My wife hosted a dinner party for all our friends, some of whom we hadn't seen for ages, and everyone was encouraged to bring their children along as well.

All throughout dinner my wife's best friend's four-year-old daughter stared at me as I sat opposite her.The girl could hardly eat her food for staring.

I checked my shirt for spots, felt my face for food, and patted my hair in place; but nothing stopped her from staring at me. I tried my best to just ignore her, but finally it was too much for me.

I asked her, "Why are you staring at me?"

Everyone at the table had noticed her behavior, and, the table went quiet, waiting for her response.

The little girl said, "I'm just waiting to see how you drink like a fish."


LOL - Best Wishes, Mikey Lulejian - Lake Oconee, GA

 

[Julian]

 

[Julian]

Past, Present and Future walk into a bar....

It was a tense scene....

 

[Jay Petzold]

Got pulled over going 120 officer said "I've been waiting for someone like you all day"

I got here as fast as I could

 

[Britboater]

Back on January 9th, a group of Wadesboro, North Carolina bikers were riding east on Hwy.74 when they saw a girl about to jump off the Pee Dee River Bridge. So they stopped.

George, their leader, a big burly man of 53, gets off his Harley, walks through a group of gawkers, past the State Trooper who was trying to talk her down off the railing, and says,
"Hey Baby . . . whatcha doin' up there on that railin'?"

She says tearfully, "I'm going to commit suicide!!"

While he didn't want to appear "sensitive," George also didn't want to miss this "be-a-legend" opportunity either so he asked . . . "Well, before you jump, Honey-Babe . . .
why don't you give ol' George here your best last kiss?"

So, with no hesitation at all, she leaned back over the railing and did just that . . .
and it was a long, deep, lingering kiss followed immediately by another even better one.

After they breathlessly finished, George gets a big thumbs-up approval from his biker-buddies, the onlookers, and even the State Trooper, and then says, "Wow! That was the best kiss I have ever had! That's a real talent you're wasting there, Sugar Shorts. You could be famous if you rode with me. Why are you committing suicide?"

"My parents don't like me dressing up like a girl."

It's still unclear whether she jumped or was pushed.

 

[justason]

 

[jet set]

Did you hear about the hooker that went out fishing with three guys. she came back with a Big Red Snapper!

Do you know the best way to make your wife scream when you make love?- get up and wipe your dick on the cutains!

There was an older married couple at home- the woman is looking in the mirror sighing loudly. Without looking up from his newspaper, he obligingly asks " whats the matter now".
She replies, almost I tears " I used to be young and beautiful. Now when I look in the mirror all I see is a fat ugly old woman"
The man is silent.
the woman complains " I really need you to pay me compliment!"
He pauses for a moment then says- "well, your eyesight is damn near perfect"